C O N F I D E N C E
J O H N S O N

Confidence Johnson Concert Dates
Look below for concert dates, times, and locations! ...also, there are some phat photo archives from past shows.

Are you a space alien? Take the new Cosmo Space Alien Detect-O-Test and FIND OUT IF you're a space alien and WHAT KIND of space alien you might be!

Simply read the following questions, and mark the answers that BEST
fit your response! (The section on scoring will follow the test itself.)

Part I: Are you an alien?

1. Have you been on this planet

a: less than five years
b: between five and ten years
c: between ten and twenty years
d: all your life?

2. What would you prefer to do on your day off?

a: Conquer and enslave the United States
b: Kidnap beautiful women and take them back to Mars
c: Infiltrate the U.S. government
d: Go back to sleep

3. How would you describe your skin tone?

a: Attractively green and scaly.
b: Smooth and silky, but that awful light brown color is just NOT me.
c: Skin?
d: I've got a little acne problem.

4. If you were to get any household appliance you wanted, what appliance would
it be?

a: A death-ray cannon
b: Robbie the Robot
c: A household garbage disintegrator
d: A new blender

5. What would you consider to be your favorite dessert?

a: 1978 Ford Pintos
b: Your neighbors
c: Altairian bubble-water
d: Triple chocolate cheesecake

6. If you were to visit Tokyo, what would you do?

a: Stomp it into radioactive rubble, while watching the puny Earthmen run
away in mindless panic.
b: Summon your confederates and kidnap the Prime Minister
c: Attempt to build an escape spaceship out of leftover Sony parts
d: Go shopping


7. Your weight is:

a: Over two thousand tons.
b: Over eighty tons.
c: Over a ton.
d: I'm not telling.

8. Where do you spend most of your time?

a: Deep beneath the ocean surface, biding your time
b: Your secret underground base
c: In country fields, gazing wistfully at a small star somewhere
near Betelgeuse
d: The hairdresser's

9. When you went to see the movie "Alien," did you

a: Giggle uncontrollably?
b: Sit up in surprise when the Alien appeared and say "Hey! How did my brother
get into the movie business?"
c: Point out all the errors?
d: Giggle uncontrollably?

10. Who is your favorite movie star?

a: Godzilla
b: Richard Gere
c: Robby the Robot
d: Meryl Streep


Part II: Your species

1. The color of your blood is:

a: blood? what blood?
b: green
c: blue
d: red

2. Your morning breath is best described as:

a: radioactive.
b: contaminated with the odor of dried saliva.
c: we don't talk about such things in OUR family.
d: really icky.

3. Your favorite music is:

a: Nirvana
b: Bach
c: Triumphant marches
d: Whatever's on the radio.

4. Your family tree is:

a: Nonexistent.
b: Growing in your front yard.
c: Charted for hundreds of years.
d: Pretty sketchy.

5: 243 times 14.271 is:

a: SCREEECH-graw!
b: 3467.853.
c: I have no need to know that.
d: Uh...hold on. I got a calculator around here somewhere.


Scoring:
Are You A Space Alien?
For every "A" that you selected in Part I, give yourself 1 point.
For every "B", give yourself 2 points.
For every "C", give yourself 3 points, and
for every "D", give yourself 4 points.
Total your points up.
If you scored between 10 and 25 points, you ARE a space alien!
If you scored between 26 and 30 points, you MAY BE a space alien!
If you scored above 30 points, you are PROBABLY NOT a space alien!

What Kind of a Space Alien Are You?
Total up your score in Part II just as you did in Part I.
If you scored between 4 and 8 points, you're Godzilla!
If you scored between 9 and 13 points, you're a Vulcan!
If you scored between 14 and 17 points, you're a member of the
European aristocracy!
and if you scored between 18 and 20 points, you're just a boring ol' human.

HOW THE END OF THE WORLD WILL BE REPORTED: